Straying and seeking
How figures of faith drifted away from God between 12 and 25 — and what brought them back
“You have made us for yourself, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.” (Augustine, Confessions I,1)
Click a name or a point on a curve; the numbers by the points are approximate ages. The vertical axis is a rough estimate based on their own testimonies, not a measurement.
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His father saves up for his studies, sixteen-year-old Augustine is bored — and steals pears with his gang, pears he doesn’t even want: evil for the joy of evil (Confessions II).
The curves are nothing alike — and that is the main finding. Newton and Merton went straight to the bottom, Teresa of Ávila merely drifted for twenty years in the convent parlour, one conversation across a shop counter was enough for Moody, and it was not the world that pulled Aquinas away but his own family — the kidnapping and a year of house arrest are his only swing in the chart. Edith Stein and Simone Weil were never “home” to stray from: they came in from outside.
Second finding: almost every fall begins with a loss — the death of a mother (Pascal 3, Thérèse of Lisieux 4, Newton 6, Merton 6, Lewis 9, Teresa of Ávila 13), the death of a father (Edith Stein 2, Moody 4, Merton 16). Loss by itself does not convert; without someone alongside, it leads away first.
Fourteen different stories, yet the returns rhyme. In almost every one the same four forces can be found — rarely just one, usually in this order.
Kimball came to Moody between the shelves of shoes. Sister Briceño sat down with sixteen-year-old Teresa. Ambrose took Augustine's questions seriously. Tolkien sat up all night with Lewis. Sister Aloysia taught Dorothy the catechism.
Newton's storm, Francis's prison and illness, Pascal's years of emptiness in the salons, Reinach's death in Flanders. The shock itself does not convert — it converts where someone or something is already waiting.
Augustine: Romans 13:13–14. Teresa: Osuna and Augustine's Confessions. Merton: Gilson. Newton: Thomas à Kempis. Edith Stein: Teresa's Life in a single night. Lewis: MacDonald and Chesterton — “a young man who wishes to remain a sound atheist cannot be too careful of his reading”.
At 21 Moody gathers children from the slum, Francis hears “repair my house”, Mackie goes from the ramp to the text, Dorothy founds a newspaper for the poor. A return holds where the convert quickly became a co-worker.
The PERSON pattern spelled out in names. Almost none of them was a preacher on a stage: a mother, a sister, a captain, a Sunday-school teacher, a widow, a nun from the neighbourhood. Exactly the people today's research counts as “five adults for every young person”.
A mother who prayed for nearly twenty years, and a bishop of Milan who took her son's questions seriously instead of brushing them off.
A Dominican in Naples who recognised the calling in the young student before his family did — and stood by him through a year of house arrest.
When Francis stripped off his father's clothes before him in the square, the bishop covered him with his own cloak. Cover, not a sermon.
A Christian captain with whom Newton talked through whole evenings on St Kitts six years after the storm (1754). The storm turned him; Clunie taught him.
The sister who left for Port-Royal against his will — and whose peace gave him no rest until the night of fire came.
A night walk along Addison's Walk (19 September 1931): the myth that became fact. Nine days later Lewis believes in Christ.
The Sunday-school teacher who on 21 April 1855 came to the eighteen-year-old shop assistant between the shelves of shoes and talked to him about Christ.
The nun at the Augustinian school who showed sixteen-year-old Teresa that prayer can be more than a duty.
The Hindu monk who advised him to read Augustine's Confessions, and the philosophy teacher who sent him to the Trappists at Gethsemani.
A church that built a ramp for skaters from the street. Tim came for the ramp; the gospel came with it.
The older sisters who mothered her after their mother's death and, from the Carmel and from home alike, brought her back to prayer year after year.
The widow who bore the cross at her husband's coffin with such peace that Edith understood for the first time what it means. “My first encounter with the cross.”
The Dominican from Marseille (1941–42), the only person she entrusted her experiences to — Waiting for God is the letters she wrote him.
The nun from Staten Island who patiently taught Dorothy the catechism even when it would not sink in, and prepared both her and little Tamar for baptism.
Four historical patterns and four findings from current youth research (Fuller, Barna, Springtide). In detail, including methodology and the Czech situation, on the page Comparison: Youth in Czechia and around the world.
Fuller, Barna and Springtide arrived independently at the same thing: what matters is the number of adults who know a particular young person by name — five to one. Kimball, Briceño or Aloysia were among those five. Sticky Faith →
Springtide (2020): a third of young people feel completely alone most of the time; a single trusted adult halves severe isolation. A shock without accompaniment leads away — exactly the second finding under the chart. Belonging →
Growing Young: the churches that kept their young people did not talk about niceness and happiness but about Jesus and the kingdom — a watered-down message is what the young detect first. Augustine and Merton alike were converted over a text, not a programme. Six commitments →
Growing Young speaks of “keychain leadership”, Barna of countercultural mission: young people who carry responsibility do not leave. At 21 Moody gathers children from the slum, Francis repairs a church. Five practices →
“Don’t be afraid to question everything about faith. Don’t be afraid to go through that process. … no question is forbidden … you are exposing yourself to risk … but it is necessary. If you don’t do it, your faith will stay childlike and in time childish, and you will become a fundamentalist — out of fear that it might not be true after all, you will cling to the letter and to rituals and condemn everyone who does it differently, even by a millimetre. But you can no longer rest your faith on your parents’ faith. Let them be anxious and let them pray fervently for you; it is healthy for them too, and growing up hurts in general — you and everyone around you. …
Judaism and Christianity dared to do something Islam has not dared so far — to look at their sacred texts through the eyes of textual criticism, to pull the holy Scriptures apart word by word … Do the same. …
For suddenly you will find that many clever and hot young heads, exactly like you are today, have been born in every century … things have been thought through and argued out many times over.”
Marek Orko Vácha · Nevyžádané rady mládeži (Unsolicited Advice to the Young), pp. 51–52
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